Why did I choose to be in Hearing Community not in Deaf Community?

My hearing parents found out that I was deaf when I was one and half year old. They vowed that I should get best life despite my deafness. They thought if I could hear something, I will live better than being deaf. (They lived in hearing community, it made a logical sense to them that I should learn how to be oral communicate with other hearing people since there are no deaf people in our community).

That was my parents' opinion.

Now I am 24 years old. I have different philosophy from my parents.

Let me explain my past history before I give you my philosophy about CI.

I met people from Deaf community when I was in college. They are nicest and sweetest people I ever met. Their interaction between deaf people, there was no miscommunication unlike between deaf and hearing people. I was so jealous of them. All of my childhood life, I constantly need to prove people that I was not deaf and want to be treated like a hearing person. Sometimes I felt like that I worked so hard (by going to speech therapist in 3 times a week) to act like a hearing person. But hearing people didn't work hard to help me to be accept me as I did to them. I believed hearing people should appreciate me that I am trying to be like them. But as I was growing up, I realized that people just don't care because they only thinking for themselves.

(To hearing people, please don't pass any judgement when you saw a deaf person on the street and (s)he was not wearing cochlear implant because you don't understand why they are going through - only I and other CI (Cochlear Implant) people could do that. As I said in the first post, people who are in Deaf Culture just wanted to be accepted and love. CI doesn't help them to have better social life)

As you wondered, if hearing people had a hard time to accept me in their world, why I bothered to live in the hearing community?

The answer is

IT IS NOT ABOUT ME, IT IS ABOUT THEM.

Let me tell you two stories and compare it.

Story # 1

My hearing husband and I were in a car. We both realized that the car need a gas very badly. We went to a gas station off the highway. We both went out from the car and stand front of the machine. He put his credit card in it. In the background, we heard shouting that was sounded like "You can't do that!" but we thought it meant for somebody else because there was no one around us that talking to us. Suddenly the worker came to us and yelled at us, "I already told you that you can't do that". The worker cancelled our credit card and yelled us again that there was no self-service. My husband handled this situation very calmly and managed to talk her through so he could get the gas for our car.

Story # 2

I went to drug store alone. I went to get self-checkout. The machine says "Printer is open, please close it" Therefore I obeyed and did that. Suddenly I heard the worker yelled at me, "I already told you that you can't do that" I said, "I am very sorry, I didn't hear you because I am hard of hearing" The worker didn't care and gave me attitude.

Do you see how are these stories very similar? Only difference is I am hard of hearing and my husband is not.

When people are in bad mood, they will lashed out on anyone even hearing people. For granted, people with disabilities are more vulnerable than people without disabilities.

Let me tell another story.

I had the internship last year as a school social work intern. I worked with my supervisor and other two co-workers. My two co-workers and I all agreed that my supervisor was crazy and mean. However I got more bad treatments from my supervisor than other two co-workers. My supervisor made me cry a couple times in a year. I remembered in December that my co-workers were shocked how was my supervisor disgusting to me. Few months later, my co-workers started to complaining a big time about mistreatment from my supervisor to them. I told them, "I know and I already went through this" As you see my supervisor had a burnout and need to lash out on someone. For granted I have disabilities so I am more vulnerable than my other co-workers. But I learned from my internship that it is not my deafness that she had a problem with, it is HER.

After my internship, I started to noticed that when people are frustrated with me not because I could not understand them well enough. It was usually because they are already angry so they are lashing out on me.

You may wondered about my husband who is hearing, who might be frustrated with me if I don't understand him. That happens in many times! Yes, he get frustrated that I don't understand him however he didn't get frustrated that I don't understand him, he get frustrated that he is not making himself clear enough for me. That's one of reasons why I love him.

I have a lot of hearing friends and they are amazing people. They treated me like I am their equal. I don't need deaf community to feel accepted and love which I already have from my hearing community.

I am very grateful to my parents who gave me CI in the very early age or I wouldn't be standing today. My philosophy is CI didn't give me a better life comparing to deaf people without CI. I still have a sign on my forehead that I am deaf even though I hear a way better than deaf person or person who is hard of hearing (HOH). I still don't speak or write like hearing people. I heard that younger generation with CI are doing much better than my generation with CI which I am very happy about that. I met a young man with CI who is 18 years old who is genius and hear better than I am however he don't have hearing friends because he is 'deaf'. He joined to deaf community to feel loved and accepted. He was very isolated in his hearing community. CI doesn't help to have better social life with hearing people.

That is one of many important messages to hearing people that if you want deaf people to wear CI and continue to use CI then accept us and love us.

Thank G-d, I am accepted and loved by my hearing community so I don't need to move to deaf community for it. However I am communicate and learn from deaf community. Be careful, I am not saying if we accept and love deaf people then we could get rid of Deaf Culture. In my opinion, I want Deaf Culture to be alive and vibrant because it does help a lot of people like to build up their self-esteem like this young man. I am just very lucky that I know myself very well (that's why I want to be social worker!) and a greatest system from my hearing community that was rare among deaf people who is not in Deaf Culture. Therefore I know how to handle people and don't let them to bring me down.